How to Embrace Loneliness: No, Being Alone Is NOT a Bad Thing
What does being alone mean to you? Does it mean you are socially awkward? Does it mean that you are not attractive enough? Does it mean you can’t keep a relationship no matter how hard you try? Does it mean your introverted personality has run everyone around you away? Think about it for a minute.
Am I Technically Alone?
You see, what I have come to find is that being alone comes with this automatic negative connotation that suggests you aren’t happy. There’s got to be something wrong or else you wouldn’t be by yourself.
However, this is far from the truth! This is coming from a woman who has chosen to take a break from societal norms. Now, I am not 100% alone because I have a toddler and family.
But, according to society standards, I would be considered alone because I am not in a relationship. Which means those weekends and holidays come and go! There’s no date night!
Therefore, I couldn’t possibly be fulfilled…or could I? What is your definition of fulfillment? I, personally, know people in relationships that are not fulfilled. Which brings me to my point of fearing the unknown in being alone.
Monophobia—The Fear of Being Alone
There’s a term for this called, Monophobia—the fear of being alone. This doesn’t always mean a relationship—it actually comes in different forms.
You have some people who are afraid of being apart from a particular person. Then, you have others who are afraid to be in public, without a relationship or living alone. Then, you have me who fell in the category of being afraid to be without a relationship throughout my twenties.
When one ended, I was right on the scene scouting for the next. Nothing got accomplished professionally because it wasn’t my focus. When I look back on the relationships with the exception of my son’s father who blessed me with motherhood, they were not conducive nor did they contribute to me in any memorable way. They honestly took up time that I cannot get back.
I look back at my twenties, and I'm disappointed with myself. I don’t blame anyone else because I shouldn’t have allowed external influences dictate my internal being.
During that time, I found myself giving away the task of loving me to someone else instead of keeping it my sole responsibility. I was seeking self-approval everywhere but from within. I was looking for my identity within my relationships and not developing it on my own. As a result, I was a lost woman. Let alone becoming a mother in the midst.
Although it is sad and rough how my son’s father and I had to end—it is for the best or I would have continued the cycle of not becoming the woman I am today.
It's Good to Know What It's Like to Be Alone
It is so vital to know what it’s like to be alone. Even, if you’re only alone for a short period of time—just having the experience is needed. I say this because in life nothing is guaranteed.
As individuals, we should know our source. My definition of a source is a sufficient supply that keeps your life going without depending on someone else to provide it.
Think about if you just had you in the world—what human source would your supply come from? Dependency should always start within so that if this was ever your case, you could swim and not sink.
How to Let Go of the Need for a Relationship
For me personally, my monophobia was being without a relationship. Once my relationship came to an abrupt end with my son’s father, I went on a long vacation from dating.
I had to search high and low in letting go if I wanted to reach the next level of inner knowledge towards self-care and love. I had to go through a course of self-healing which typically happens organically when you’re at your lowest points in life. I had to learn to TRUST myself more so that I could develop more of a heightened sense of self.
Once you master the art of being alone, it becomes easier to become more in tune and aware of your inner needs. I had to learn how to let go of beliefs, thoughts, and stories that no longer served me—so that I wouldn’t revert back to my old patterns.
Let Go of Your Fears
I used myself as an experiment to see if I could start actually manifesting goals out of my life by simply releasing my fears into the universe. I wanted to know if the universe would have my back!
Journal About Your Thoughts and Emotions
So, I started jotting down in order exactly how I wanted my spiritual and motherhood life to look. I followed it with my financial and career life. And, then I ended it with my love life. I strategically did it in this order because I needed for all of those components to complete me first before I could fully invest and open back up to love, again.
Learn from Your Past
One thing I’ve noticed about my past relationships is that I never got to experience being in love. Even though some of those relationships lasted a period of years.
Look Forward to Future Opportunities
So, I do want to give myself the opportunity at some point when the universe aligns me with the right person to experience that. But, it has been important for me to provide that security blanket for myself. In the future, when someone else comes into the picture and provides their ways of love to me—it will be an extra deposit into an already full account.
Enjoy Your Own Company—Get to Know Yourself as a Person
By giving myself the space to be without a relationship for the last few years, I now know exactly who I am as a woman. My self-identity cannot waiver because of my self-love. I am more secure than ever and feel exhilarated. I love the woman I have become because I’ve worked so hard to become her!
I encourage you to release your fears into the universe and allow it to have your back. Sometimes, you have to let go so that you can become your highest and most developed self. If you want to produce different results in your life, you have to trust and depend on your inner guidance. It knows you better than you think!