Lost in the illusion of Perfection!
Disclaimer: So here I talk about a subject that is discussed often by my generation--"the millennials!" (However, this is a read for all. Anyone can take from this message)
Hey hey heeeyyy! So, I want to touch over a subject I like to call “Lost in the illusion of perfection—also known as social media.” I have to admit there has been one too many times that I’ve compared my life to other people’s pictures and captions via social media. It took for me to experience a situation that has forever changed my perception! 🙋🏽♀️ This experience has changed me from comparing myself to others more successful to comparing myself to myself, only. I’m no longer afraid to vulnerably share my ups and downs through my blogging and short videos. I no longer feel bad if I'm not in a place by a certain age. I no longer care that I have the title and responsibilities of being a single mom. I no longer feel like I have to keep up this pretty girl syndrome—makeup, weave, lashes and a booty from Atlanta to Kansas. I, now, love the features and figure that was naturally given to me. Makeup, goes on me when I feel like being made up and same goes for lashes and weave. It's no longer everyday essentials in order for me to walk out in public. Nor is it a deciding factor on whether or not a picture or video gets posted. More importantly, I DO NOT compare where I’m at in life to someone else more successful than me. I’ve had to learn the very hard way to NEVER want what someone else has because you don't know what they went through or had to do to get to where they are in life. Remember, people only show you what they want you to see. The rest gets edited out!
So, here's the story that changed me from allowing social media to make me feel bad about myself. There is this girl that I personally know who appears to have it all on social media. She’s always sporting a new designer bags, showing bundles of cash, riding or driving high end cars, traveling the world and has her own business that she shows tons of orders for. For a while, I felt she really had it going on...it made me question what I was doing wrong or not enough of!?!? Then one day, when I was in her city, I reached out to meet up for lunch. She told me that she would have to let me know because she didn't have a car and was trying to see if she could get a ride to meet me. ---Wait, What, HUH?!?!---At the time, I couldn't understand why she didn't have a car because I had just saw her a few days prior on Instagram driving a Benz. Keyword--"Instagram" not "Real Life". Long story short, she ended up meeting with me and as we got into conversation, she talked more about everything that was NOT going right than what was. She did not have a car and was crashing on a family member's couch. So, where were all those expensive clothes, accessories, cars, money, orders, etc...I didn't bother to ask her because it's not my business. However, from the conversation we had, it appeared to not be her "real" life.
The point of me sharing this story is to show how social media painted a story of a girl living her best life. But in reality, she was living her worst life. The fool in this situation is NOT the girl...it’s ME!! She did a job well done as a magician. She gave the illusion that she was uber successful. I bought into her illusion and allowed it to consume my thoughts about myself, negatively. I spent half a year trying to redirect my path to a faster route to success because of this. All to find out what I thought to be true wasn't true. I, actually, was further in life than she was--but till this day I would never have known that if I didn't know her well enough to meet for lunch. I was expecting to see what I saw on social media and not what I saw in reality.
This situation completely changed the game for me. It made me realize, I was not going to spend a second taking in what others were doing in their life. It also taught me to not be anxious for anything. For example, I've been single for a couple years now and when I see other women in love, it doesn't make me yearn for it. It doesn't make me position myself to go out more and mingle. It doesn't make me question God on why my son's father had to get in a terrible car accident because by now I could’ve been married. However, what it does for me is make me heavily rely on knowing that whatever I asked for before probably was not the very best that could be given to me--so that's why it didn't work out--relationships, career paths, friendships, etc. I've now learned to not question or second guess anything that is or is not apart of my journey.
My best advice is try looking at social media as one big playground full of magicians and illusions. Try not to mentally get sucked into the bag of tricks. Remember, there was a point in time when we didn't have access into other people's lives, like we do now. If it was all taken away from us, we would adjust to going back to focusing on our individual selves. We would be much more happier with who and where we are in our lives because we wouldn't be constantly comparing it to people we know and people we don't.
From one single mom to another--don't let your light dim!