Part II: When You’re Pushed Out of the Way
If you're here, make sure you read The Picture-Perfect Life: When You're Pushed Out of the Way first.
I’m going to share with you the straw that broke the camel’s back, which led to my son and I being removed from his father's life. It was Saturday, February 27th around 9 p.m. at night.
At the hospital
I thought my best bet would be visiting my boyfriend at the hospital either in the wee hours of the morning or late at night. The idea was to visit when his family wasn't visiting—which, I figured his family would visit during the day or right after they left their day jobs. It seemed like the only way, since I was thrown out of my own home.
To my surprise, however, I was greeted by my boyfriend's mother in the waiting room—who was the last person I wanted to interact with. I casually spoke to her and started heading towards my boyfriend’s room. His mother stopped me and informed me that his father was in the room having a hard time coping with the condition he was facing.
A few weeks after the car accident
He had already been through four brain surgeries. The doctors told the family that his prognosis was a vegetative state for the remainder of his life.
At the time, he was 31 years old. They said that the frontal left lobe of his brain was completely dead. He had severe bleeding on the brain. They assured the family that he was not going to know who anyone was. He would have to be retaught if he came out of his current state.
But, even had he relearned, it still wouldn’t be the same type of recognition, as before.
So, that news was definitely devastating to me.
Even though I knew our relationship was heading south as I believed he was cheating—I still had hope for us for the sake of our son. I grew up in a household where family was together. So, I was able to draw strength in not retaliating towards his parents.
I knew that I was hoping and praying for a full recovery for my boyfriend.
At some point, during the short time I was at the hospital—a woman came that I had only seen a few times prior to the accident whenever we would hang out.
She told his step-mom that my boyfriend had came to her house around 12 a.m. in the morning and told her that he had to get back home to me.
His step-mom was trying to imply to me that he was not faithful at all, and she was tired of him lying to me about his whereabouts. Imagine being me at this moment.
Just had a baby three weeks prior… boyfriend in car accident fighting to survive… bills, bills, bills….a woman and a step-mom affirming that indeed he was cheating on me even on the night of the accident… and thrown out my house with our infant baby.
All of that was every reason for me to wipe my hands of him and our relationship. But, it still didn’t occur to me to do that.
Back to that night
I was kicked out of the hospital and my boyfriend’s life…
Once his father was through talking to him while he was deep in a coma, I walked into the room to sit and pray over him.
You know they say that when people are in a coma, they can hear you even though it appears they can’t. So, I’ve always been a realist and straight up person.
I told him that his family was dividing us and that it was important for him to fight back. If my son and I were no longer around when he woke up, I asked him to come for us.
I wasn't leaving him because of his injuries but I was getting outnumbered and bullied by his family.
I was trying to stay strong but I couldn't control the situation if they forced me out.
Right after I had that conversation with him, his father entered back into the room to ask me questions about his personal finances. His father had learned that after he changed my locks, I went back to the home a few times to collect my son’s belongings as well as my own—I also had the security company come pick up all equipment.
His father was pissed at me because he thought he was going to use the security system that I was paying for against me. To prevent me from entering the home. Hmm, I also guess he thought I was going to keep paying for it, too.
So, we were having a calm but intense conversation—and then in comes my boyfriend’s mother—the drama queen.
She interrupted our conversation to accuse me of going to the home and taking my boyfriend’s mail. She had been waiting on certain documents to come in the mail and thought that I was maliciously wasting my time going back and forth to a house I was kicked out of to retrieve it. Lets not forget I had an infant, at the time.
Mind you, she was already moved into my house at this point.
However, she didn't know that the mailboxes in front of all the homes in our neighborhood served as cosmetic purposes, only. We had a mail center in the front of the community that the mail actually went to.
So, after I explained that to her, I proceeded to ask her why I would be interested in traveling back to a house I was kicked out of just to get my boyfriend’s mail to spite them.
This is where it got out of hand because his mother doesn’t know how to control her temper. She lunged at me from across the room and started pointing her fingers at my forehead, yelling and screaming that she was going to whoop my ass.
Her ex-husband had to jump in the middle of us because had he not, she would have pushed me to the floor.
I didn't protect myself by getting her off me because we were in the ICU—in my boyfriend’s room—while he was on life support trying to survive. Not only that, but we were on a floor with other people’s loved ones who were in critical condition.
Nurses rushed into the room, and one nurse witnessed my boyfriend’s mother being the aggressor. Two security guards were called, and the nurse reported my boyfriend’s mother. His mother yelled to the top of her lungs that I could no longer come back to see her son. My boyfriend’s father backed her in that request.
They both used their next to kin card to trump me being his girlfriend with his newborn son. I was removed from the list of family members that could call the hospital to get updates on him.
When I asked his mom, how could she do this to her grandson by kicking me out of everything—she told me to not look at it that way and that she was doing what was best for her son.
His parents and I were asked to leave the hospital—the only difference is I was asked by his parents to permanently leave--they had legal standing to do that.
I was devastated all over again.
I called the next day to the hospital to get the incident report that the security filed… low and behold, they just wrote a generic explanation not singling out anyone as the aggressor. I couldn't file harassment charges against my boyfriend’s mother off that incident alone.
At that moment, I had to make a decision to either keep fighting with the family so I could still be there for my boyfriend. Or, pour all my energy and focus on my son and leave his father’s side. So, it was a no brainer for me to choose my son.
Till this day, my boyfriend’s mother feels that if I truly loved him, I would have fought them back for the sake of being there with him. So, she makes the claim that I must have not truly loved him. She tells everybody and their momma that I walked away from her son.
Hmmmm….let's go down some ideas of what love is all about…
- Love doesn’t hurt.
- Love doesn’t lie, cheat, steal or dishonor others.
- Love doesn't physically, mentally or emotionally abuse you.
- Love isn't selfish.
- Love doesn’t play mind games.
- Love doesn't envy nor does it boast.
- Love isn't self-seeking.
- Love honors and cherishes others.
- Love is selfless.
- Love is the truth.
- Love protects--it doesn't abuse you in any form or way.
- Love is kind.
- Love evokes a feeling of good.
It’s been three years since the accident, and the only two people that need to hear me express the love that I had for my son’s father is him and his son.
Before he got into his accident, I showed him with my actions how much I loved him—regardless, of whatever he was doing behind my back.
Till this day, I don’t feel guilty of anything. I don’t feel that I could have been a better this or that to him because I was in his own words his better half. He always expressed to me that he didn’t deserve to have me in his life.
At the time, I thought it was sweet words but never fully understood what he meant until I found out about the cheating.
Today, he has beaten the prognosis the doctors stated, and he’s now in a child-like frame of mind. His mother is his full-time caregiver. It's my understanding that his biological father has completely left his life. But, I don’t put it past his mother that she is the cause of that simply because she ran me up out of his life.
Next comes court...
Yep, I said court and I have been in there for 2 years now. My son’s paternal grandmother is a piece of work—She’s just exhausting. She doesn’t understand peace and space. She doesn't understand how to have meaningful relationships with people. She has a pattern of running people away--then realizing what major mess she's caused--then if you have anything that benefits her that she needs back--she does whatever she has to do to force you back around. Like, literally, this is a new one for me. Like who does that? Who really thinks that low of themselves to force people back around them who don't want to be around them. Yes, there are all kinds of people in the world—I get it. However, some people like to live their life with order and peace. That would be me! My son’s paternal grandmother likes to keep confusion and drama going—I just won’t tolerate it. Her biggest challenge with me is I did EXACTLY what she asked me to do! She said I could no longer see her son again and disregarded her grandson—so I pulled up my big girl pants and moved on to focus on providing the best for MY son! If my son’s father wasn’t in his current condition and could understand what was going on—he would be so proud of me for walking away from his family and putting our son first. He would also be happy about how I’ve been raising OUR smart, mannerable, loving, kind, charming, handsome little boy.
Stay tuned as I break down why I went to court and why it’s important to trust the process in whatever battle you may be facing…
But, I want to next touch basis on some subjects that you deal with when you're battling a storm.
I'm not here to just share my personal story... I'm going to also share key things that take place in the midst of a storm to equip you in battling out some of your own battles. My advice comes directly from my experiences and how I had to cope, deal, manage, sustain and prevail.